With the precious metals you could recover from this box full of antiquated electronics, you could buy a ham sandwich.

WASHINGTON, D.C.–Noting a Wall Street Journal report of a recent spike in the sales of Lode Runner for Xbox LIVE Arcade by people who thought the game’s piles of gold would provide a hedge against economic uncertainty, Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke offered his views during a weekly appearance before the Senate Finance Committee. “Irrespective of the game’s value as an entertaining diversion,” he told the senators, “I have to caution consumers who may not fully comprehend the difference between imaginary gold and the real thing. Sometimes there is a fine line between fantasy and solid financial principles.” Bernanke noted the global economic meltdown as an example of what can happen when people lose sight of the fundamentals.

Committee chairman Max Baucus (D., Montana) spoke for several hours about responsibility, institutionalized greed, a bunion he’d been suffering from on his left foot’s big toe and how people in his home state were impacted by world financial adventurism that led to bear markets which, he added, took on a particularly threatening tone in Montana, home to the nation’s largest population of grizzly bears. “When you’re in a market in Montana, you take your life in your hands, particularly if you’ve recently handled fish,” noted the senator.

Bernanke admitted that he didn’t have a solution regarding the Ursus arctos horribilis issue in Missoula, but returning to the original topic of Lode Runner speculation he did have some thoughts on what average Americans could do that didn’t involve climbing ladders, blasting blocks and running away from evil monks.

“I would recommend hoarders to concentrate their efforts on securing proven sources of liquidity, including a wide variety of precious metals that can be found in the average home, such as gold jewelry, plated silver and, for older hoarders, the often over-looked asset of their dental fillings.” Bernanke, who admitted to being a bit of a pack rat himself, went on to describe how many electronic components were manufactured with small amounts of gold and other precious metals, and that with a little research, a small investment in mineral retrieval technologies such as centrifuges and chemical baths, not to mention the application of good old-fashioned elbow grease, anyone could reclaim the mineral riches that would otherwise languish in unused electronics. “You’d be surprised how much value you can reclaim from a Zune,” he testified.