IGNN–The Imaginary Game News Network

IGNN’s publisher, Scott Pelland

This week: IGNN’s Publisher, Scott Pelland, rambles on about creating IGNN, self-dating, and his fear of chickens with BFGs.

IGNN: How did you get the idea to start an imaginary game news organization?

ICoSP: Well, I was in semi-retirement, spending some time in Puerto Punta, Baja Mexico. Specifically, I was sitting in a little taverna wondering how I was going to pay for the mojito I’d just downed, when I noticed an abandoned newspaper on the table next to me. It looked like some sort of local English language edition with the laughable title of Los Times. I wasn’t feeling very charitable, I suppose, and I recall wondering what other quaint lingual bastardizations I might find if I looked inside so I decided to check it out. That’s when I noticed that the paper was in fact folded, and when I straightened it out it magically became the front page of the Los Angeles Times. That’s when it hit me….

IGNN: Your epiphany?

ICoSP: No. It had nothing to do with my digestive tract. This was sheer brilliance. I saw how a slight shift in perspective can reveal a whole new world.

IGNN: Perhaps you meant to say “sleight.” (laughs)

ICoSP: So you’re reading my mind-spelling now?

IGNN: Sorry, sir. Moving on, the fact that you’re mocking the gaming industry with this venture suggests some deep-rooted anger. Why do you despise games? Did something happen to you as a child?

ICoSP: Quite the contrary. For one thing, as an imaginary editor-in-chief I didn’t actually have a childhood. Secondly, I love games, particularly the really good ones, or at least those I can beat.

IGNN: How many is that?

ICoSP: Three.

IGNN: You’ve beaten only three games?

ICoSP: Well, I’ve roughed up quite a few. But you need to keep in mind that as an imaginary clone I don’t get the same opportunities as flesh-and-blood humans. At the drop of a hat I may cease to exist. It’s terribly inconvenient. Sometimes I wonder if it’s all worthwhile.

IGNN: That sounds as if you have self-esteem issues. Do you despise yourself?

ICoSP: Not at all. I have a very strong relationship with myself. We have a date night every Tuesday evening.

IGNN: Has anyone ever called you pompous?

ICoSP: Oh, yes. Thank you.

IGNN: So why fake news? Why not write something of value?

ICoSP: Well, for one thing, it’s pretty limiting to report only facts. There are only so many facts, you know, and there are literally thousands of journalists and bloggers chasing every one of them, so the odds of filling your edition with exclusive stories are pretty awful. Instead, I chose to make everything up, even myself. I’m a complete work of fiction, which you can probably relate to since you’re no more real than I am.

IGNN: I’ve noticed that, yes. But I still have a job to do, and our readers have been asking some questions about The Imaginary Game News Network. Is it okay if I ask you for them?

ICoSP: Ask away.

IGNN: First, all of our readers have been wondering why you chose to present the fake news of one of the most visually stimulating mediums in history–the computer game–with a rather stark theme that’s black and white and red all over? Are you suggesting that other game media outlets are trying to reflect the glamor of the media they report on and thus reflexively elevate their content to the lofty position of interactive gaming whereas IGNN is all news?

ICoSP: I won’t dignify that with a response except to say, well, yes and no.

IGNN: Could you elaborate?

ICoSP: No.

IGNN: Please.

ICoSP: Maybe, just a little. A lot of those sites, frankly, make my eyes hurt. There’s just too much to take in. I guess I’m more of a minimalist, perhaps because I’m fundamentally lazy. I find our theme more relaxing. Igor Stanislavitz, the designer, is a bit of a genius really. And of course he works fore free. I’m a big proponent of free things.

IGNN: Is that why you haven’t paid the staff?

ICoSP: What would you pay an imaginary staff?

IGNN: Respect, maybe. Anyhow, here’s another question from our readers; how often should they expect new posts?

ICoSP: That’s hard to say. Imaginary events don’t exactly announce themselves on the evening news. They have to occur, which is to say they have to occur to me, and then I have to write them down, or they have to occur to one of the staff and so on. I’ve had entire days go by without a single imaginary thought passing through my head.

IGNN: Do you have any little tricks you use to generate ideas?

ICoSP: Mojitos, obviously, and talking to people who know something about something sometimes works. Mostly I just start writing and see where it leads.

IGNN: Have you ever been surprised by where your imagination takes you? Or scared?

ICoSP: Oh, yes. Constantly. Yesterday I had this idea for a review of a perfectly innocent game about making paella when it devolved into a nightmare scenario of BFG-toting chickens coming after the player with bloody murder in their fowl eyes and a big pot of boiling broth laced with saffron. It gave me the heebie jeebies. Just between the two of us, I may never eat paella again.

IGNN: You mean imagine you’re eating paella….

ICoSP: Alas.

IGNN: Let’s wrap this up on a positive note. What would you hope readers take away from a visit to The Imaginary Game News Network?

ICoSP: I suppose either wisdom or a million bucks are out of the question, so maybe if they left with that feeling you get when you realize the hiccups are finally gone.

IGNN: You mean satisfaction?

ICoSP: Or maybe relief that it’s finally over.