LONDON, UK–Has it really been 11 years since 1998? A quick glance at the calendar confirms that in fact 11 years have passed since the release of UbiSoft’s Buck Bumble for N64, which is ample cause for a celebration by Buck’s many fans, or at least one of them.

Jennifer Jerley of Liverpook (no, that’s not a typo; well, actually it is a typo but a happy one since we make up most of the town names anyway and Liverpook is fracking hilarious) so Jennie walks into a bar in Liverpook and says, “Did anyone know that it’s Buck Bumble’s 11th Anniversary?”

Young fans from Liverpook, hoping for an updated version of Buck Bumble, have been writing and sending photographs to UbiSoft. How long will they have to wait?

It may not come as a complete surprise that few of the bar’s patrons had any recollection of the 3D bee-based adventure created by Argonaut Software and released by the present owner of France, UbiSoft. But Ms. Jerley, as would any true fan, persevered and proceeded to buy rounds of ale until the entire lot were completely pissed out of their gourds and began singing boisterous ballads about their love of Buck Bumble.

Jez San, the then president of Argonaut and chief bee-booster, was not available for comment, but sources close to Mr. San confided in IGNN that it was rather doubtful that he would comment on the game. Said one anonymous source, “Some bee stings just don’t heal over time.”

Further research suggests that Buck Bumble was not, as they game portrayed him, a simple cyborg honey bee bristling with heavy armament and sworn to destroy the so-called Evil Herd, but a killerbotic Argentinean bee secretly plotting the downfall of Great Britain.

The Imaginary Game News Network’s very own Vasco De Bean–an Argentine national–verified as much. “With every imperialistic action there will be sown a bee of contention and revenge.” Apparently, it all dated back to the Falkland Islands conflict and an Argentinean tavern owner’s son named…

“Vasco De Bean. It was me. Shut up and listen. I lived with the shame of the day my father was humiliated by a British marine, a laughing fool who poured a pint of lager over my father’s head when he was cleaning the floor. I vowed then and there to seek my revenge. I studied for years, in Barcelona, Madrid, East Grimsley then in London, where I became one of the greatest 3D bee animators in history, and that’s when I was hired by Señor San to work on his imperialistic bee game. I remembered well the name of the British soldier, for he too was a San, an uncle or cousin. So you see, it was I who secretly added so many layers of fog that the game became a virtual pea soup of frustration. And when the game failed to sell and Mr. San was humbled by Buck Bumble’s failure, I came to him and said the words I had rehearsed since I was but a boy. I am Vasco De Bean. You spilled on my father. Prepare to cry. I told him what I had done then he wept like a baby. But let me tell you something; revenge it is not worth a piss or a poke. I saw this great man weeping at my feet and it was I who felt shame. And so I gave up my life’s work of rendering bees in 3D and I became a man of leisure and a writer of the imagination. And yes, I too will celebrate this 11th anniversary of Buck Bumble, and to Mr. San wherever you are, I say to you, go in peace.”

And so once again The Imaginary Game News Network uncovers stories that are deeper than truth and more profound than reality. And when we contemplate the timeless question–to bee or not to bee?–forget not the tale of the bee that was not all that he appeared to be. –Gideon Chazwit-Stoop