Who has time to read an entire news story in today’s busy world? We sure don’t; that’s why we only skim the headlines then imagine what the actual story is all about. Today we interpret the headlines on 1UP.com, a venerable game media outlet within the vast UGO empire.

Mother of 12-Year-Old Unhappy with Maxim/EGM Replacement

IGNN’s Take: Yeah, but we bet the kid is ecstatic.

20 Years Later: A TurboGrafx-16 Retrospective

IGNN’s Take: The world really did end yesterday, which left 1UP.com editors scrambling for anything even vaguely resembling news in the wake of complete oblivion.

Spielberg Might Produce Halo Film, MS Says Project On Hold

IGNN’s Take: The Steves (Spielberg and Ballmer) really need to talk more. Relationships take work, guys. You’ve got to give then give some more. It’s all about communication, and some flowers now and then wouldn’t hurt.

Next Team Fortress 2 Update Doesn’t Upgrade Any Class

IGNN’s Take: Obviously this story is suggesting that Valve has decided to dive into the airline business with updated WWII vintage Flying Fortresses converted for passenger service and a team-oriented FPS (First Person Seating) boarding model that eschews upgrades. Fly the Fragging Skies!

Report States U.K. PS3 Stock Clearing for Price Cut

IGNN’s Take: Selfless Brits are paying full price on existing stocks of PS3 in the hope that their fellow gamers will benefit from a future price cut. We salute your altruism.