Have we seen the last of casual attire Fridays in the gaming industry? According to the Kiljoy Group, such frivolity leads to waste and weak returns on investment.

SAN JOSE, CA–Leading game company investors have harkened to the recent comments made by Activision CEO Bobby Kotick concerning the primary business of making games, which as Mr. Kotick astutely noted, was about making money, not about having loads of fun in the workplace. Although such sentiments may fly in the face of the studio culture that pervades much of the development community, the newly formed group, known as Kotick’s Investor-Leveraged Job Oversight Yabbos (aka Kiljoys), was formed to guide policy in this crucial area and punish those who lose sight of the bottom line.

“It’s about time somebody reminded this community that they are here to do a job and not just play these stupid games,” said Max Fogelbier, who heard Kotick’s speech at the Deutsche Bank Securities Technology Conference in San Francisco and immediately formed the Kiljoys with the rest of the bankers/investors who were sitting in his row. “In my book, Mr. Kotick is a friggin’ hero. The only sensible man in the industry, and a visionary who knows the value of a barcode reader,” Mr. Fogelbier added.

The Kiljoy Group, as it is officially known, wasted no time in drafting a statement that went out to the press and more than 300 publishers and game studios who rely on the group’s financial support.

“We’ve had it with you clowns poncing about (that’s a Britishism for acting immaturely and a bit gay, explained the press release parenthetically) while we fund your frolics,” wrote Evan Mircham-Smythe of Investors Scotish Bank based in Edinburgh. “From now on, any signs of frivolity and fun in the workplace will be subject to review by a Kiljoys board of inquiry, and if such activities are found to infringe on sound considerations of profit and loss, transgressors will be summarily dismissed, spanked and possibly shot with a non-lethal but painful dart or wad of some type. And furthermore, any such transgressions will lead to a branding of the transgressee as being in lifetime violation of the Kiljoy Code and said person or persons will be ineligible to receive monies from the Group ever again so help us in the name of the Father (Greenspan), the Son (Bernanke) and the Holy CEO (Kotick).”

Asked to comment on the decree, Studio Banana Games president, Mike Shingar openly wept while blubbing:  ”Some goons from the Kiljoy Group showed up at my office this morning and removed my punching clown and Chia Pet collection. How am I supposed to be creative now?”

Others in the industry contacted for this story echoed Shingar’s view, but Fogelbier stands firm in his belief that gaming should be a serious business. “We have to eradicate the notion that making games has anything to do with fun. For one thing, it attracts the wrong sorts of people–people who would just as likely put a spreadsheet on their bed as study it to find systemic waste or an opportunity to maximize profit. And frankly, it doesn’t help that the big companies promote this type of attitude. Take Microsoft, for example; here’s a company that makes IBM look like a bunch of wild-eyed college kids, but even these folks have attempted an awkward embrace of gaming culture, providing play spaces, toys and free sodas as a sort of bonding ritual between corporate master and employee. It’s almost as if money is a dirty word to these people.”

Meanwhile, Mike Shingar and other studio-based talent, have begun discussing how to retaliate against the money men. “We’re putting together a plan that involves Nerf weapons, whoopie cushions and the element of surprise,” Mr. Shingar stated mysteriously. “Those rat bastards won’t know what hit them. We’re going to take back the fun if it kills us!”

Until some balance or compromise is reached, it seems apparent that Mr. Kotick’s statements have opened a rift between the money and the creators, a rift that may spell the end of a way of life for many in this industry.