Shocking cases of Pokémon abuse such as this appalling scene from a Seattle PokéRave in August, have led to the formation of an underground vigilante movement.

SEATTLE, WA–The raves take place in sold-out venues, often in broad daylight and sometimes within walking distance of elementary schools, where children dream fondly of their beloved Pokémon. But these raves are not wild, Bacchanalian affairs in which young adults dance, hook-up and indulge in a variety of narcotic substances as previous generations have. These raves are dedicated to one thing–the humiliation, taunting, torture and ultimate butchery of innocent Pokémon. The ugly flipside of the Pokémon megaphenomenon that has pervaded modern society for more than a decade is a counterculture of disaffected Pokémon-haters, often failed trainers themselves, who have rejected everything cute and cuddly and find release only in acts of outrageous violence.

The Imaginary Game News Network waded into this shadowy world, where humans from all walks of life–seemingly normal citizens on the surface–indulge their wickedest fantasies at the expense of imaginary creatures. What we discovered is not for the faint of heart. (If you have not looked carefully at the lead photo, we warn you now that it is indeed shocking and perhaps better ignored. If you already examined the photo and lost your cookies, we apologize.)

Cassie Armotage of Portland, OR has been attending Pokémon Raves for three years, and in that time she admits to having tickled an Igglybuff, drop-kicked a Meowth, painted lewd symbols on a sleeping Snorlax and viciously tore off the head of an unsuspecting Sneasel.

“The first time I went to a PokéRave, I thought I’d just watch and laugh. I mean, it’s really such a silly thing to do,” Cassie explained. “But you get caught up in what’s happening. All those memories of when you were a kid and you didn’t have enough power to tap the right Pokémon Trading Card or when some jerk of a big brother always clobbered you in Pokémon Stadium, well, it comes rushing back, and the chance to strike out is cathartic. I don’t think it makes me a bad person.”

IGNN contacted noted Gamer Psychologist Dr. Manx V. Freedman, who noted similar responses to other childhood characters that alienated certain segments of the population. “Indeed, one can foresee this type of response from the outset. Latent violence against Hello, Kitty! for instance has been well documented, and even in the video game world many of Nintendo’s characters in particular have suffered greatly from those who never bought into the culture of cuteness.”

Dr. Freedman relayed horrifying stories of partiers stuffing Kirby dolls until they literally exploded, of raves in which young men and women corralled a herd of Yoshis in a pen and then pelted them with eggs, and perhaps most sickening of all, he described witnessing the slow dismemberment of Chibi-Robo, one screw and bolt at a time.

“There is something twisted in the psyche of many people,” Dr. Freedman admitted. “And I’m afraid there is no known cure except to keep the offenders as far away from the objects of their disdain as possible.”

When IGNN brought evidence of the abuse to the authorities in Seattle, the true extent of the problem was revealed, as it turned out that the police were unapologetic Pokémon-hater sympathizers and they refused to even consider the allegations of criminal activity.

Police spokesperson Lucinda Maluchi, when confronted with the charges, said only, “Get a life, people.”

Get a life? What of the helpless Pokémon that no longer have that option since their lives have been cruelly snatched away for the passing diversion of dangerous and violent criminals?

Neither Nintendo nor Pokémon USA cared to comment, although off-the-record they acknowledged that they wept nightly for the sad fate of so many Pokémon. But tears will not wash away the shame of these degenerate acts.

And yet there is a glimmer of hope. During the investigation of this story, The Imaginary Game News Network uncovered a secret organization that is taking matters into its own hands. The Posse Pokétatus is a group of Pokémon-friendly vigilantes who are slowly infiltrating the rave scene to rescue threatened Pokémon and dissuade future events.

“We have been experimenting with several tactics to break up the raves,” revealed a Posse Pokétatus member known only as Pika Sue. “At first we tried smoke bombs, but nobody seemed to notice. Then we spiked the punch with horse shit, but everyone really seemed to like the grassy flavor. Now we’re using mini-tasers that apply only enough shock to make people accidentally wet themselves, and that seems to do the trick. There’s nothing better to break up a bunch of hoodlums trying to act tough than incontinence.”

So maybe there is hope that man and Pokémon can live together in peace. Since the Posse Pokétatus has been zapping ravers, the number of rave events in Seattle has decreased by a significant 47%. The PP now plans to take its shock troops to other cities, where Pokémon abuse is still on the rise.

“If we can save one Pokémon, and that Pokémon can be loved by a child, or trained to knock-out another Pokémon in a wholesome Pokémon battle, then we will have succeeded,” said Pika Sue.