A man who clearly is not Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer walks beside the Hawaiian Windows 7 War Canoe float during a launch parade in tropical Redmond, Washington.

REDMOND, WA–Described by Microsoft spokespersons as the most explosive software launch in history, the Windows 7 operating system was released to critical acclaim and unbridled consumer enthusiasm.

“This is an amazing moment for Microsoft,” said the spokesperson, while dabbing tears of joy from her eyes. “People actually like us now. It’s going to take some time getting used to that idea.”

Following the “siege years” of lowered consumer expectations and outright hostility toward the company and its products, Microsoft employees were stunned to see an outpouring of affection from millions of PC fans, many of whom spontaneously emerged from their dark cubbyholes to frolic and celebrate in the streets.

“It was like some sort of weird zombie nerd horror flick,” commented Zack Batalsi, a programmer at DigiDyne in Sunnyvale, California. “All these pale doughboys stumbling awkwardly out into the streets, trying to give each other fist bumps and getting run over by passing motorists. God, it was awful.”

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