But Windows 7 fans didn’t seem to mind the dangers imposed by their new-found freedom.

“I launched a Microsoft program without the OS telling me it didn’t recognize the publisher,” reported a tearful Ned Stankowicz of Libertyville, Oklahoma.

Researchers at the University of Illinois Urbana reported the lowest readings ever on their super sensitive stressometer network, which measures stress, anxiety and rage levels at 500 major companies in North America and Europe.

“We noted a 2,000% drop in stress at workplaces that had switched to Windows 7,” revealed UIU graduate student, Felix Fallstaff. “That’s the biggest stress reduction reading we’ve seen since the release of that Obama chia head, which incidentally isn’t a joke–it’s real.”

At Microsoft’s sprawling campuses in Redmond, Washington, employee celebrations erupted from office buildings and spilled onto streets, playgrounds, company soccer fields and even rooftops. Fireworks displays, marching bands, a parade that wound through the campus featuring precision clogging teams and people dressed as the numeral 7 were just a few of the festive sights reported. Rumors of Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer bursting out of a giant cake wearing pasties could not be substantiated.

“It really feels good to be loved,” summed up one weepy spokesperson, whose name tag was obscured by a giant I Heart 7 pin.

As for exactly what Windows 7 means for the gaming world, it may be too early to tell. Ease of use, stability, security, dynamic searches, 64-bit muscle, the lucky number seven–all the pieces seem to be there–and a quick glance at the astrological charts bodes well for its prospects in love, commerce and, due to the position of Mars with respect to Saturn, a long journey in search of fulfillment and marshmallows. Not to rain on Microsoft’s parade, but the gaming world moves faster than the historical rate of OS updates, and PC gaming may well be headed toward complete integration with cloud computing that leaves Windows 7 grounded in yesterday’s thinking…or not.  –Cremella Ling

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