Freshly Ground Games Hires Employee

Freshly Ground Games' Caffeine Rampage was programmed in this Starbucks.

TAMPA, FL–Freshly Ground Games, the iPhone game developer responsible for Caffeine Rampage, is on the road to corporate expansion now that president, owner, programmer, artist, marketer, accountant, tester, and customer service representative Tim Beanman has posted help wanted ads on Gamasutra, Craigslist and several other web sites. Beanman told IGNN that if he didn’t get some help soon he would be dead within a month.

“I didn’t think it would be this hard publishing a little iPhone game app,” Beanman lamented during our recent interview. “I mean, actually programming Caffeine Rampage only took two weeks, and I did the whole thing while sucking down lattes at the local Starbucks.”

What Beanman and many other iPhone developers don’t realize is that the true challenge begins after the code has been approved by Apple.

“I thought that a good game idea with a catchy name would be an instant hit. I mean, have you ever seen anyone in a Starbucks who doesn’t have an iPhone?” Beanman asked.

But the dirty little reality that nobody talks about is that when Apple says there are nearly 20,000 iPhone/iPod Touch games available, they actually mean it.

“They really, really mean it,” Beanman told us. “I mean, how is that even possible? 20,000! No other game platform has even a tiny fraction of that.”

So Beanman went on a crash course of self-discovery as he ramped up a marketing effort to let the world know about his recently released game, which quickly sank from debuting in the top 500 to something like 14,623rd.

“I built a web site and a blog, of course, and I sent my free codes to some of the iPhone app review web sites. But most of them didn’t even get a chance to review the game because they were so swamped with thousands upon thousands of other new web apps and games.”

IGNN corroborated Beanman’s story with iAppHapp.com editor Maverick Lintag, who agreed that the workload was a problem. “I haven’t slept in three weeks,” he grumbled. “Last Tuesday I was so exhausted I threw the cat out with the garbage. I hate my life. I hate Apple. But most of all I hate all these guys who think they can get rich selling a couple hundred copies of a 99 cent game.”

Beanman sympathizes, but after slaving for months to gain traction with his game, the unthinkable happened and it changed Beanman’s life.

“I got a call from my sister in Philly. She was screaming into the phone that I had to turn on Oprah. Well, I was too late, and by the time I got the TV on Oprah was off on a love rant about some new diet chocolates, but Ginny my sister told me that Oprah had mentioned my game by name, or maybe she said the title when introducing a segment on a news story about a guy who went crazy when a barista in Schenectady added whip cream to his latte when he’d distinctly ordered skinny, but either way the result was almost instantaneous.”

Caffeine Rampage shot to the top of the iPhone best-selling game list that same day and it hasn’t budged.

“I’ve sold over two and a half million games since the Oprah show and all the work that goes along with that is just too much for one guy to handle,” Beanman explained. “The game’s fans are demanding new brew levels, editors are requesting interviews, investors are lining up in the street outside my garage/studio and Hollywood agents have been calling to set up lunch appointments. So I decided I needed to hire someone.”

Beanman is looking for an experienced marketer, business planner and PR professional who can cope with everything from scheduling TV appearances to negotiating licensing deals to providing body guard services so he doesn’t get mugged by ecstatic fans on trips to the local mall.

“I mean, I had no idea that success was such a bitch. There are moments when I think about packing it all in and going back to work at Taco Bag.” Beanman says that if he doesn’t find an employee within the next two weeks that he might just move to Spain. “I mean, I’ve got the money now, so why not.”

We asked Beanman if there was anything that he’d like to share with struggling iPhone developers.

“One word,” he said. “Oprah! That’s all you need. And if you don’t get Oprah, well, there’s still an opening at Taco Bag.” –Vasco DeBean