Friday
Headline news is back with a survey of top news stories being reported by a variety of game news media web sites. As always, time being a scarce commodity, The Imaginary Game News Network feels compelled to reduce your burden of reading actual news stories by simply imagining what their headlines might mean. We include links if (for some reason) you want to read the real story!
From Den Of Geek
IGNN’s Take: Not only is this game apparently going to be dated and obsolete the moment it’s released, it’s not even a football management game. Apparently there is some confusion on this point in certain places beyond the borders of the United States of America and Canada, where soccer enthusiasts are under the delusion that a game played with their feet is called “football.” That’s like saying basketball (primarily played with your hands) should be called “handball.”
From Edge Online
Nintendo Acknowledges Wii Update Problems
IGNN’s Take: Kudos to the Big N for owning up to the mass disruption the recent Wii update has caused around the globe, from raging hurricanes to fierce dinosaurs reemerging from a lost, subterranean world to continued economic woes in parts of Chile. Here at IGNN, we’ve put together a list of things that have recently gone wrong in the office–such as our new PSPgo not being able to play our collection of old PSP UMDs–along with a bill that we’ll be sending to Nintendo with our heartfelt thanks.
IGNN’s Take: The research crews at Google have been working hard to develop a friendly “wave” gesture that can be used in virtually every social situation without seeming to be awkward, affected or prissy. Apparently Edge has got the scoop on Google’s beta testing of this new “wave”, which we expect will have quite a lot of competition in the U.K. from the Queen’s patented “royal slow-hand-rotation greeting” more popularly known as “the Lizzie.”
From Game Daily
Japanese Game Market Shrinks 10.5% in First Half of 2009
IGNN’s Take: Japan is always shrinking things then disrupting foreign markets with their high-quality diminutive offerings. This is no different. Within the next 12 months, IGNN expects Japanese-style market shrinkage to appear in North America and Europe, followed by Brazil, Mexico, India and Australia experiencing shrinkage in 2011. But don’t despair. Markets, like transistors, often grow after shrinkage. Small is going to be the new big. IGNN plans to embrace shrinkage if we can just find the little sucker.
From Game Spot
Gamer Aggression Grows Against Strangers
IGNN’s Take: This corroborates recent reports of urban gaming gangs who hunt down strangers and challenge them to rounds of Wii Punch-Out!! as a workaround to the inconvenience of using Friend Codes and actually acquiring friends.
From Joystiq
Professor Layton is in Boston…Somewhere
IGNN’s Take: Yep, and we’re there to cover the historic moment when a DS fan blinks in amazement upon meeting the familiar 2-D character as he puzzles over the mystery of what really goes into a Boston Cream Pie other than faces.
From WonderWallWeb
IGNN’s Take: In a down economy, cheap is the new expensive. We expect Cheap FIFA to prove that you don’t need realistic graphics (or really any graphics at all), expensive commentators, licenses, programmers, marketing or distribution to make a good game. All you really need is the word “cheap” to give consumers confidence that at the end of the day they’ll still have enough money to buy a ham sandwich.
From UGO
UbisSoft Imagines Loads of Cash
IGNN’s Take: Imagine that. So do we! Maybe we should get together with UbiSoft and increase our imaginary windfall!
REYJKAVIK, ICELAND–Some economic experts believe that megahit video games and box office successes can pull the economy out of the toilet, dry it off, give it a spritz of perfume and call it “hot”. IGNN’s scoop dives deep to discover the truth behind such claims.
