IGNN Explains “1889″
BELLEVUE, WA–The Imaginary Game News Network’s publisher, Scott Pelland, today admitted that the “claim” posted on the satirical game news web site’s header that IGNN has been covering video game news since “1889″ is a complete fiction.
“I admit that I made that up,” Pelland told reporters who had gathered to watch as agents of the FTC’s special “ninja SWAT” unit clapped the publisher in irons and wrestled him out of his pick-up truck. “It was a joke! Can’t anyone take a joke these days.”
The gathered reporters belonged to The Imaginary Game News Network’s staff, who used the opportunity to protest the fact that they hadn’t been paid since day one of the operation, which was actually in the middle of July, 2009.
“According to Pelland’s accounting methods, we’re owed salary dating back over 100 years. Now listen to him squawking about it all being made up,” snarled reporter Rondo Nobson. “That bastard owes me over 15 million bucks!”
Mr. Pelland defended his practice of not paying employees by insisting that all of his staff were fictional creations so their claims of payroll fraud were specious at best.
“I think that’s a word that means ‘not really true no matter what it might look like,’” said the publisher as the ninja SWAT agents began stirring a cauldron of hot tar. “I think that this is a travesty,” he added to no effect as his staffers began chanting anti-publisher slogans and shuffling slowly around the bubbling pot.
“Look, since the staff is all ficticious, why don’t I just pay them what they want right now out of my fictional slush fund. How does that sound to you? Come on, guys!”
Apparently, the scent of money was enough to invoke the favor of the disgruntled employees, who convinced the FTC agents to put away the feathers and release their boss so he could head straight to the bank.
“I still think that ’1889′ is funny,” said Pelland as his workers escorted him to the local branch of the Bank of Big Savings. “You see, obviously there weren’t any video games in 1889–that’s what’s so funny. How come nobody gets that?”
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I was wondering about that date. I had no idea that 1889 was such a significant year. But what I really want to know is who ratted out the publisher to the FTC goons?