IGNN–The Imaginary Game News Network

Leaving the door ajar on Halloween is a sure way to attract unwanted horrors.

Being a gamer on Halloween is fraught with dangers. Our general rule of thumb is that we’ll lose at least one staff member every Halloween. Why? Gamers tend to be overly accepting of weird stuff that would freak out non-gamers and cause them to run away screaming and thus save their asses. Gamers, on the other hand, are fearless. It has to do with the exposure to monsters, killers, psychos, traps, creepy characters and zombies that gamers experience every day, and that’s just from visiting their local Game Stop. (Just kidding, GS, we love you guys and we know that you’re working hard at your rehab.) So the IGNN staff has put together a list of survival tips for gamers that will help see them through this dangerous time. We recommend posting the tips in a prominent place, such as on the TV or fridge, and be sure to share the tips with your gamer friends so you’ll still have someone to play co-op with after the holiday. Good luck.

Top 10 Halloween Survival Tips for Gamers

• Halloween Survival Tip #10: People in hockey masks are not to be trusted. They aren’t breaking into your house to play NHL 10.
• Halloween Survival Tip #9: Playing Silent Hill will not impress the Great Pumpkin.
• Halloween Survival Tip #8: There is such a thing as too much sugar; it’s called Hello Kitty Online.
• Halloween Survival Tip #7: If you’re wearing a Wolverine costume and your nostril starts to itch, for God’s sake don’t scratch it! (Ditto for wearers of Freddy Krueger hands or players holding a DS stylus.)
• Halloween Survival Tip #6: Your college buddies are unlikely to appreciate Martha Stewart’s chocolate bat cupcakes during your RE5 Halloween all-night horror fest. Instead, go with the always enticing itty-bitty chocolate titties (aka Hershey’s Kisses) and keep a towel handy to wipe down your controllers.
• Halloween Survival Tip #5: Never attempt to play Wii while wearing a ghost sheet.
• Halloween Survival Tip #4: No matter how hard you look for one, you’ll never find a Bobby Kotick codpiece for your costume. Don’t despair. Just strap on a Guitar Hero Les Paul controller and nobody will know the difference.
• Halloween Survival Tip #3: Bobbing for iPods voids Apple’s warranty.
• Halloween Survival Tip #2: DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR TO CREEPY PIZZA DELIVERY GUYS WHEN YOU DIDN’T ORDER A PIZZA!
• Halloween Survival Tip #1: If you slash your mouth on a razor stuck in an apple, immediately make a note of the house where you received it and DON’T trick-or-treat there next year.

Happy Halloween From The Imaginary Game News Network staff!