SETI Receives Alien Threat or Maybe Classic Bad Screen Text
Bucolic scenes such as this fisherman reeling in his prize catch may soon be a thing of the past if Catilixian invaders descend from space and steal our bass.
HOUSTON, TX—NASA and SETI today issued a joint statement that SETI has received and confirmed a message from an alien civilization. The long search for extraterrestrial intelligence—one of the great quests of the modern age—came to an end late last week as SETI researchers working with NASA and radio astronomers in Australia, Chile, and Newark, New Jersey detected and decoded a complex series of digital algorithms that turned out to be an iPhone message from the Catilixian civilization, which appears to be based on a planet some 563 lightyears from Earth. The translated message read: “ALL YOUR BASS ARE BELONG TO US.”
“It’s uncannily like something I remember from my childhood,” pondered lead researcher Richie Blevens Jr. of Princeton “But one thing is for certain, these Catilixians don’t sound very friendly.”
REDWOOD CITY, CA–In a recent press conference, EA spokesperson, Marv Lentil, shocked the gaming world when he announced, “It has officially left the game.” in response to a reporter’s question about the famous EA Sports slogan. Following a stunned silence, Lentil added, “The undefined nature of It was always a problem for EA Sports. What is It, everyone wanted to know. Of course, if we revealed what It was, then we would also have a problem because we’d be giving away trade secrets and damaging our own brand. It, frankly, put us between a rock and a hard place. So we have parted ways with It.
