Mild Animated Violence Erupts at ESRB
IGNN contacted noted workplace psychologist Dr. Joen Johns-Beeker to get an assessment of the real dangers presented by the necessary but perilous work performed by the selfless employees of the ESRB.
“They are like frontline soldiers in some ways,” Dr. Johns-Beeker informed us. “Day after day they are exposed to mind-numbing violence that is completely out of the scope of everyday life. One day it’s vampires and werewolves, the next it’s a futuristic killing ground where android assassins materialize out of the fallout of a holocaust, and to make matters worse these workers have no control over the environment they find themselves forced to deal with. They absorb the violence, but where is the release? All I can say is thank goodness that in this case the violence was mild. I wouldn’t want to be around when one of those workers unleashes a strong animated violence spree.”
Charges have yet to be filed in the case, and indications from the prosecutor’s office are that the alleged perpetrator may simply be banned from owning, using or being in the vicinity of sticky note pads for up to six months and perhaps perform some type of public service, such as teaching children the dangers of second-hand video game viewing. This reporter, however, feels as if there are many questions that need to be answered or the violence will surely escalate. –Timm Bingo
Being a gamer on Halloween is fraught with dangers. Our general rule of thumb is that we’ll lose at least one staff member every Halloween. Why? Gamers tend to be overly accepting of weird stuff that would freak out non-gamers and cause them to run away screaming and thus save their asses. Gamers, on the other hand, are fearless. It has to do with the exposure to monsters, killers, psychos, traps, creepy characters and zombies that gamers experience every day, and that’s just from visiting their local Game Stop. (Just kidding, GS, we love you guys and we know that you’re working hard at your rehab.)
