Diablo: You have the intellectual rigor of a catfish, madame. Consider Mario’s hapless affair with Princess Peach, in which the overmatched plumber continually loses the object of his affection game after game. To lose her once might be considered unfortunate. To lose her twice might be considered careless. But to lose her more than a dozen times suggests a level of incompetence that plumbs the depths of credibility and which should give historians something to consider as they seek a comparative measure for rating the performance of the former President.

Angelique: Don’t you mean former President George W. Bush?

Diablo: I do not, madame. That would be absurd, for he alone was responsible for more good in the world–as I see it–than any dozen or more of the lesser men who have held that high office. No, madame, I refer to the former President of the Memphis Chapter of the Fraternal Order of Horse Wooers, who reached the nadir of competence when he attempted the seduction of a Clydesdale named Hank.

Angelique: You, sir, are the most repugnant of all men, and repugnance breeds contempt while contempt breeds, well, something much worse than contempt, which is why your arguments are contemptible and built on a foundation of clay. I claim victory and declare all of your arguments moot and tepid. Nintendo is more like Mario than Wario, and you are more like a mucus-coated lining of an internal organ than a man.

Diablo: Do you really mean that?

Angelique: I do, sir.

Diablo: Tepid?

Angelique: Well, maybe I was confused. You are still a bit of a firebrand.

Diablo: Very well, then. I concede. You win, dear lady. The premise was flawed anyway because Wario is really a minor character who isn’t all that bad; and the fact is that Nintendo as a corporate entity doesn’t really resemble either character. I’d like to know who came up with this stupid premise in the first place. I’d give them a few warts.

Angelique: Oh, Bloey. You’re so wicked.

Diablo: Listen, Angie. There’s no one here but the two of us (and that sorry bastard who’s reading this, of course) so what do you say about ditching the debate and maybe getting a drink?

Angelique: Mojitos?

Diablo: Yeah, and maybe a ham sandwich. All that debating has left me famished.

Angelique: I think I’d like something more filling than a ham sandwich, Bloey.

Diablo: Damn, Angie.

Next Week’s Resolution: Project Natal is the biggest thing to come down the mountain since Swiss cow bells.

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