IGNN–The Imaginary Game News Network

Jolene contemplates a Bratzless future.

NEW YORK, NY–Super Model Jolene Fatalle (25) confirmed rumors that her famed sense of style and panache is borrowed almost entirely from playing online Bratz games. A spokesperson for Bratz quickly released a press statement expressing how pleased they were that Ms. Fatalle was a regular player on the site. But Jolene, who is almost as famous for jetting about with celebrities as for her glamorous magazine covers, apologized to her millions of Facebook and Twitter fans who follow her daily fashion tips religiously.

“I’m so ashamed that I stole everything from the Bratz girls, particularly Cloe,” admitted Fatalle, “and it’s clear to me now that I have been addicted to these obsessive games for far too long. Coming clean is the beginning of the healing process.”

Jolene confessed that she has developed insomnia due to all-night sessions playing Bratz Makeover Game, styling her hair, painting her nails and applying makeup until the early hours of the morning. She described one night’s makeover binge as spending ten hours straight blow-drying her own hair hoping to match Cloe’s angelic blonde wave.

“My identity became so enmeshed with that of the Bratz girls,” said Fatalle, “that I began to obsess about my body shape. I even looked into surgical procedures to enlarge my feet and head and shrink my hands. When I looked into the mirror I just saw raw, meaty ugliness. I so desperately wanted to be two dimensional that I would cry whenever I saw my profile.”

Fashion consultant Meredith Buellos commented on the social cost of such addictions: “Jolene is, unfortunately, only the poster child of a very large and growing problem of young people turning to dangerous sources for fashion advice, and video games are largely to blame.”

Buellos cited influences such as Lara Croft’s sexy adventurer style, the Evony chick’s luxurious lick of exposed cleavage and the skimpily-clad girls from Dead or Alive as examples of the absurd fashion sense of mostly male game developers.

“The indiscriminant use of leather, metal chains, jewels, piercings, tattoos, bikinis and a disturbing absence of useful accessorization is sending the message to young women that fashion is more about throttling orcs and jiggling your jugs than expressing your femininity,” continued Buellos, who recently wrote a book entitled, Fashion & Fantasy: The Disturbing Trend Toward An Anti-Fashion Agenda in Modern Gaming. “I only hope that something good comes of all this,” she stated. “Perhaps if people read my book they’ll begin to understand the terrible human costs involved.”

Fatalle concluded her remarks with a plea to her fans. “Don’t get caught up in the vicious cycle of shampoo, rinse, dry and curl. In the end, it will take over your life.”