IGNN–The Imaginary Game News Network

REYJKAVIK, ICELAND–You’ve probably heard the comparisons by now: If Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 were a country it would have the 19th largest economy in the world. If you ate a bean for every dollar MW2 has earned you would produce enough methane to blast you from Earth to Alpha Centauri at 75% the speed of light. If Modern Warfare 2 were a Chihuahua it would be named Chuck. But a new report from the Council on Economic Recovery states that recent blockbuster media products led by MW2 may be just the ticket to propel the United States back to economic health.

“We’ve calculated the impact of every dollar spent on entertainment products and concluded that if the entertainment sector were to grow at the current rate seen in blockbuster properties such as Modern Warfare 2, the movie Avatar and book series such as Twilight, we would all be sitting pretty,” said the Council on Economic Recovery’s president, Melvin Lipshaker.

Activision CEO Bobby Kotick, whose company publishes Modern Warfare 2, was unavailable for comment, but unconfirmed reports here in Reykjavik suggest that Activision may be shopping for real estate. A close confidant of Mr. Kotick recently revealed that the dynamic CEO had, “always wanted his own volcano.” Further reports from Wyoming may hint that Kotick is seeking to buy the entire Yellowstone Basin caldera–one of the biggest known super volcanic sites on Earth.

“If the Yellowstone Basin caldera were to erupt as it has in the past, it would produce enough hot ash to cover the globe in a giant, toxic cloud,” explained park ranger Linda Lesstin. “That’s the equivalent of burning five billion copies of Modern Warfare 2,” added Lesstin, “and the effects would be like a living through a nuclear winter or listening to Dick Cheney rant for two hours straight.”

But Melvin Lipshaker prefers to see the silver lining in the Modern Warfare cloud. “If enough people buy this game, it will increase spending, decrease stress, improve the retail sector by spurring adoption of high-end electronics, generate additional sales of sofas, sodas and snacks–the Three Ss of Consumption–and create a boom in the volcano real estate market. Frankly, I don’t see the downside of that scenario.”  –Timm Bingo