IGNN–The Imaginary Game News Network

BELLEVUE, WA–Staff members of the Imaginary Game News Network–an online source of rumor, shtick and bombast concerning the electronic gaming industry–were reportedly detained by a secret squad of unidentified masked men in what staffers described as a secret, imaginary Turkish prison located somewhere beneath the City Hall of Bellevue, WA. Held on suspicion of lewd behavior, the staff reported barbaric conditions, including inadequate toilet facilities, lumpy stone floors on which to sleep, guards that often snored on the job and a diet consisting of Arby’s sandwiches.

“I would have given anything for a hamburger and a pillow,” Ib Sanchez conveyed to rescuers who discovered the staff languishing in their cell.

Geo-cachers Rob and Matthias Lingstrom came upon the staff during a recent search for a Holiday charity treasure hunt.

“We thought we were hot on the trail of a cigar box stuffed with candy,” Rob related. “We went through this side door in the parking garage under the city hall, followed some scratching noises, and then suddenly we were in an imaginary Turkish prison. I was not prepared for that.”

The discovery of the IGNN staffers solved a long-standing mystery that had worried fans of the site since new posts stopped suddenly and without explanation several weeks before the holiday season.

“I thought they didn’t like us anymore,” confessed fan Stefani, who started an online petition to demand a return of the site’s insipid reporting, which some visitors find amusing.

Other fans were surprised to hear of the incarceration or that anyone considered it to be newsworthy.

“If I had a dime for every time I’ve been held in an imaginary Turkish prison,” said site visitor Mel T., “I could retire and move to Mexico.”

Senior Editor Ram “Danger” Pootawali, summed up the feelings of the staff with an official statement delivered after the rescue: “We are all extremely grateful that our captors did not feed us to the tiger,” he stated.

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