K.K. Slider, the famous crooner from Animal Crossing, is in the spotlight for this round of the IGNN Interviews. IGNN staffer Rondo Nobson gets the poop on recent rumors that the musical mutt is planning a career change. You should be warned that parts of this interview are shocking and tasteless, and frankly, none of it is suitable for children or anyone with weak bowels.

IGNN: K.K., we’ve heard that you’re planning on leaving your current gig in Animal Crossing to begin a solo career. What can you tell our readers about this?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): That’s so true, daahling. I’m just bouncing with excitement, baaa.

IGNN: Baabara, that didn’t sound like what we imagine K.K. would say. Are you translating his meaning accurately?

Baabara: Oh, daahling. Yes I am. I wouldn’t pull the wool over your eyes, daahling. No I wouldn’t, baaa.

IGNN: Alright then. So K.K., where do you think you’ll go first when the bus drops you off in the real world?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): Well, I’m so excited to tell you that I’ll be hitting the road and playing my special brand of emotive music all over the world for an audience of appreciative people and animals. Can we be friends, daahling?

IGNN: I hope we are friends, K.K. But friends ask friends the hard questions, and since IGNN is known worldwide as a source of hard-nosed journalism, I have to ask a few tough questions. For instance, how do you think you’re going to react when dogs in the real world start sniffing your bottom?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): Oh, you tease. You’re making that up, daahling! Who would do anything so unseemly?

IGNN (sadly): I’m afraid it’s true, K.K. You’ll be expected to dine on and even relish cat poop. Are you prepared for that? After all, you come from a world filled with animals that never excrete; some people might think this will be quite a shock for you.

K.K. (translated by Baabara):  Daahling, I’ll just have to adapt quickly and learn to wear pants, I suppose.

IGNN: That sounds a bit naïve, K.K. In fact, it’s almost not to be believed. Could you be concealing your true motives? I have to say that I’ve always found it odd that your name sounds suspiciously like that of a porn actor. Can you explain that, Slider?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): No, it’s not true. Baaa baaa. This is not at all friendly. Daahling, I think I’m going to pout.

IGNN: Pouting won’t solve anything, wool brain. Listen, K.K., isn’t it true that the only reason you want to go to the real world is to be able to live like a real dog and lick your own testicles?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): I, I, I,I, never ever ever ever heard anything sososososo monstrous, daahling.”

IGNN: Sometimes the truth is monstrous. Furthermore, our readers want to know if K.K. will be a threat to their pet cats.

K.K. (translated by Baabara):  You are bad people, daahling. Bad. Not nice at all.

IGNN: Shut it, sheep. Nobody cares what you think. We just want to know what porn dog here is going to do when he leaves your little zoo. We’re trying to prepare the world for the ensuing reign of terror that K.K. is planning. So what’s it going to be, dog: Nuclear suitcases? Sarin in the subway? Off-key opera on America’s Got Talent?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): I think this interview is over, daahling.

IGNN: This interview will be over when we say it’s over, sister. K.K., one final question, why do all the other critters in Animal Crossing talk incessantly until you want to rip your own head off, but you only make annoying sounds? Couldn’t Nintendo hire a lyricist?

K.K. (translated by Baabara): Daahling, I have no comment on that, but I do wish to announce that, following this abusive interview, I’ve decided to remain in Animal Crossing. If the real world is filled with people like you, I don’t want any part of it. Goodbye, cruel real world.

IGNN: Come back here, K.K.! I’m not done with you yet. Sit. SIT.