BP Blames Wario
NEW ORLEANS, LA—Petro giant BP today issued a scathing statement laying the blame for the recent Gulf Coast drilling rig disaster on one of its suppliers—Wario’s MicroMegaDrills.
“This guy Wario comes to us and says he’s got a deal we can’t refuse,” revealed BP spokesperson J.L. Nethercutty. “So what are we supposed to do? Pay more to some supplier who jacks up his prices just because he’s tested his components? You know who pays for that kind of deal—consumers, that’s who!”
Nethercutty’s statement went on to describe how BP was completely bamboozled by Wario MMD into thinking the firm actually produced simulation software that would hone operator’s response time to disasters.
“It turns out it’s all a lot of smoke and mirrors,” stated Nethercutty. “How were we supposed to know this guy was a famous video game con artist? What are we—12 years old? We’re running a responsible business here and we expect our vendors to be responsible, as well. But this Wario guy was just playing games. I’m afraid he played us like a violin. So we’re suing his big purple butt for three trillion dollars.”
Contacted for comment, Wario replied: “It wasn’t a’me. It was a’ Mario!”
NEW YORK, NY–A disgruntled worker at the Entertainment Software Rating Board office in New York City was cited and taken into custody by police yesterday for allegedly perpetrating mild animated violence. The unidentified worker reportedly drew a stick figure flip book animation on a sticky note pad depicting himself attacking fellow workers with a bathroom plunger then repeatedly flipped the offensive animation in front of frightened colleagues, some of whom fled from the building in terror. “The drawings were crude to say the least,” remarked arresting officer Patrick O’Milley of the 52nd Precinct.
