IGNN–The Imaginary Game News Network

The Imaginary Game News Network, after reviewing all the recent events and announcements from E3 2010, predicts that over the next six months gamers will experience a flood of driving games, a plague of press releases using the term “3D gaming”, a war of words between motion-control marketing hypesters that will cause nausea, nosebleeds and bowel cramps, and a rain of frogs. The frogs have nothing to do with gaming, according to IGNN’s Ram Danger, “but we felt it would be expedient to list such a possibility along with all the other events that will likely be visited upon the gaming community in the months ahead. Citing weather patterns in the South Pacific, recent trends in game marketing and studies by the Institute of Phenomenological Inquiry, IGNN staffers stitched together what some view as a bleak tapestry of doom and destruction while others have interpreted the vision as pure gaming gold.

“No other game media outlet has foreseen frogs,” said industry observer Brent Milwath. “I just don’t get how they could miss the signs. And I for one am already studying the basics of French cooking to make the most of this opportunity.”

Nate Korrigian Tor, a physicist with the College of Herpetology in Minsk, South Carolina, noted that a forecast of frog rain would likely lead to puddles of frog gore. “I don’t think anyone is going to be cooking the remains unless it’s in some sort of chowder,” he predicted.

Other industry analysts and players are taking a “wait-and-see” approach.

“I wouldn’t say that frogs are out of the question,” remarked Jack Tretton’s private soothsayer on the SCEA staff. “But we predict a different sort of windfall entirely, and it will be based on the incredible experiences of our new Move pleasure wand.”

(A follow-up conversation with an official Sony spokesperson suggested that the term “pleasure wand” is not a semantically accurate description of the product.)

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