Yesterday’s Headlines Today
The IGNN Conservatory is dedicated to assisting researchers and preserving the legacy of imaginative reporting.
The Imaginary Game News Network is proud to present a historical compendium of video game-related headlines that we published then promptly forgot. Readers were wondering where those future headlines went once the future became the present and then the past and the future headlines from Tomorrow’s Headlines Today vanished from IGNN’s Front Page. Did we have a retirement home for them? Did we chuck them on the bon fire of historical recall? Did we sell them to Fox News? No. We kept them so that we could give future researchers a rich, historical record of what we were thinking and when. From our humorous headlines about game companies and industry leaders to announcements of imaginary game products, you’ll find all our video game news headlines without stories right here.
Thursday, October 8
- Video Game Consoles Selling Like Waffles. ‘Selling Like hot cakes’ Goal Remains Elusive
- Obama Refocused On Game-changing Policies
- Game Mascots Hold Death Vigil For Ailing Bubsy
- Nielsen Reports Few Pets Play Video Games While Owners Away
- Dragons Homeless While Dungeons Are Closed for Repairs
Wednesday, October 7
- Sonic and Mario Headed to Rio Games?
- AIAS Debates Adding New Award Category for Sweatiest Game
- Kotick’s Krusaders march on D.C. Demanding Higher Software Prices
- Friendless Wii Players Petition Court for Stranger Codes
- Windows Mobile To Get Game
Tuesday, October 6
- Hollywood cruelly teases EA with movie propositions
- Angel Appears, Helps Gamer Kick Ass in Co-Op ODST
- Glass Joe Sues Nintendo for Pain and Suffering from 5 Million Shattered Jaws
- Evony Chick Also Demands Shawl
- Harvest Moon: City Plot Revealed
Monday, October 5
- Evony Chick Demands Wake Up Call
- Trivial Pursuit Seeks Relevance with Name Change Contest
- “Polite” Taunts New Xbox LIVE Rage
- GDC Announces 12 New Venues for 2010
- MMOG Currency Exchange Certified
Friday, October 2
- Game Media’s Top 10 Ways to Drop the F Bomb
- Alarming Sound Effect in Wet Explained
- INN Reports Japan Vanished
- Supreme Court Rules Games Protected “Spleach”
- Vogonator Mystery Continues!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
- Breakthrough in US Talks With Cuba: New Mojito Recipe Sharing!
- Headip’s Greed for PC Priced at $5,000.00 US per month!
- Oligarchy Games Directors at Impasse
- IGNN Staff Demands Free Bananas
- UbiSoft Puts France on Sales Block
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
- Industry Study Notes Mature Marketing Trends
- Flaming Arse Interactive Wins Adweek’s Most Creative Flatulence-themed Viral Ad Campaign for Fart City Videopalooza
- GDC China to Feature Cuddly, Super Deformed Pandas!
- Kotick Fan Club Celebrates Hero’s Glorious Triumph
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
- Paleontologist reports struthiomimus may have built technological civilization around gaming
- Nielsen predicts explosive interest in tea party sim games
- Crapwad Games Weighs Name Change
- Bullet Bill Questioned in Recent Shooting
- Mick Jagger: “Hey, what about us?”
- NFL Players injured playing Madden: New Curse or carelessness?
Monday, September 28, 2009
- Marvelous Announces A Marvelous New Game!
- Big Fish Investors Demand Growth
- Palm Pleads for Pre Game Development. Developers Confused.
- Call of Duty Players at Fort Bragg Shirk Deployment
- Study Reveals Dolphins Play Wetris!
Friday, September 25, 2009
- Microsoft Reaffirms Natal Not A Himalayan Nation
- Annual State of the Industry Report Due From Guy Named Chuck
- Ralph Nader’s Gonzo Game Studios to Release Jailhouse Tycoon
- Hollywood Execs Wooing Wii
- Freshly Ground Games Hires Employee
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009
- Halo ODST Sells Out in Kansas City Game Stop…again!
- President Obama Tells UN, “I like robots!”
- Other Scientists Debunk Scientists Who Predicted Evolutionary Demise of the Thumb–Is Classic Game Control Saved?
- Man Passes Wiimote Safely…Ouch!
- Army Plans Video Game Boot Camp to Boost “Spirit of Fun”
Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009
- Halo ODST Sells Out in Kansas City Game Stop
- President Obama Wows TGS with Surprise Keynote
- Scientists Predict Evolutionary Demise of the Thumb–Is Classic Game Control Doomed?
- Man Swallows Wiimote Out of Curiosity
- Army Plans All Video Game Boot Camp to Boost Recruitment
Monday, September 21st, 2009
- Nobunaga’s Malaise Announced
- Earthbound Booster Tatoos Mr. Saturn On Buttock, Raises Stink
- PreSchool Artist Contemplates Suit Against Scribblenauts
- Sid Meier Discusses End of Civilization
- Mars Set to Collide With Earth in 2037–Possible Impact on Game Industry?
Friday, September 18, 2009
- Guitar Hero Bandit Challenges The Beatles to Rock-Off
- Street Fighter IV Player Injures Self During Chun Li’s Crouching Light Kick 2x, Cancel into EX-Lightning Legs, Juggle with EX-Lighting Legs and repeat Juggle with EX-Lighting Legs Combo
- Bowser Confesses Secret Admiration of Mario
- Tree Sim, Wii Grow Off to Slow Start
- PopCap Games Loses Top and Fizz
Thursday, September 17, 2009
- Naughty Dog Turns Out to be Good
- EVE Gate Suddenly Reopens, All Subscribers Flee
- Indie Studio Reinvents Checkers Online
- Study Reveals Gamers Consume More Power Than Sweden
- Silent Hill Fan Has Nightmare
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
- Capcom Unveils Devil May Laugh
- Kanye West Interrupts The Beatles: Rock Band to Kiss Own Ass
- Hidden Object Game fans embrace inner HOG
- Ubisoft Clears Fall Slate, Claims Bad Timing
- Yomomushi Searches for Golden Plum Pagoda
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
- Tokyo Game Show to Ban Noisy-Makers!
- Maple Story Executive Condemns Parents
- Maple Story PR Retracts Executive Rant
- Disney in Talks to Buy Hollywood
- Batman Fans Organize Gothampalooza
Monday, September 14, 2009
- EA Admits It Bought All 17 Madden 10′s Sold on Wii
- Judge Pardons Makers of Superman 64
- Konami Announces Wicked Revolution
- Maple Story Addict Robs Pre-School Classroom
- Georgia Tech Media Students Create Second Life Arcade Mashup: Sued by Everyone!
[...] Yesterday’s Headlines Today [...]