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Archive for the ‘Features’ Category

Super Model Admits Getting Fashion Cues From Bratz Games

NEW YORK, NY–Super Model Jolene Fatalle (25) confirmed rumors that her famed sense of style and panache is borrowed almost entirely from playing online Bratz games. A spokesperson for Bratz …read more

Jolene contemplates a Bratzless future.

Rock Band Champ Implodes On Solo Tour

Rock Band performanceWORTHY, SUSSEX, UK–Alex VanImpish was at the peak of his game. With Rock Band mates Luke, Jennie Q. and Ibid, Alex reached the finals of the UK Rock Band championship held by Electronic Arts last month. The band, known as ColdPlastic, had grown a Facebook following of over a million fans in just three weeks, and lead guitarist Alex was the instant darling of the gamer scene, cementing his status as gaming’s heartthrob kid by appearing on Sky TV’s The Beatles Rock Band release day demopalooza.

“I thought it would last for “fooking” ever,” Alex told IGNN in an exclusive e-mail exchange.

Alex (far left), Jennie Q., Luke (drums) and Ibid rocked the house during the EA Rock Band UK championship.

Attractive Scientist (and partner) Predict Evolutionary Demise of the Thumb

BERKELEY, CA–Evolutionary scientists working to understand the complex interactions between lifestyle and biological evolution have discovered a remarkable connection between evolutionary artifacts and environmental changes that suggest current trends in …read more

The attractive Dr. LeFeaux sometimes conducts research while wearing the latest in glam designer teddies.

Moon Water Discovered–Let’s Go Fishing!

LOS ANGELES, CA–Activision’s Rapala-branded fishing games product director, Vince McKort, believes that the recent discovery of water molecules on the moon opens up new worlds of possibility for his video …read more

An early screenshot of the new lunar Rapala fishing tournament game features the new Bass-On-o-Meter tension/hook sensor.

Pokémon Abuse Rampant

SEATTLE, WA–The raves take place in sold-out venues, often in broad daylight and sometimes within walking distance of elementary schools, where children dream fondly of their beloved Pokémon. But these …read more

Pokemon Abuse

Study Says Gamers Are Sexy!

PALO ALTO, CA–A study just published in the Social Sciences Journal Review reports that gamers rated higher on blind sexual desirability tests than athletes, social elitists, politicians, movie stars and …read more

Subjects exposed to a variety of stimuli favor gamers to milk men and ad executives.